Thursday, February 28, 2013

I bought, I tasted, I puked (a little)

If you've read the Harry Potter books or seen the movies, you've probably read or heard about Bertie Bott's  Every Flavor Beans. I've been wanting to try them since I found out that they were actually being produced in the real world. When I discovered that the local American food store was carrying them, I thought the opportunity had finally arrived. However, they were always out of stock. Until this week, that is, when the stars aligned and all that jazz. While I was at it, I got the chocolate frog too. 

There isn't really much to say about the chocolate frog other than that: the frog isn't cutesy at all; it would have benefited from the addition of more crisped rice; and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't hollow like the Lindt chocolate bunnies.

And that brings us to the jelly beans...

I don't normally eat jelly beans. I remember tasting them as a child and disliking the texture, but I had to put that aside to satisfy my pseudo-scientific curiosity. I considered not eating the novelty flavors, but then, what would be the point of this little exercise? Then, I considered just eating the jelly beans at random, but that seemed too risky, so I organized them according to the legend on the back of the pack. Blueberry, Green Apple and Watermelon were missing, but all the novelty flavors were there. I put the doubles back in the box to share with The Brother.

Armed with a glass of soda and a glass of water and with a trashcan next to me, I began with Grass. It was okay. Sugary, was my only impression. 

Next I tried a normal flavor, Tutti Frutti, which almost made me a jelly bean convert.

Black Pepper was, as the name suggests, very peppery, but went down without any problems. 

Soap was strange because I expected it to be alkaline/bitter, which it wasn't, but it just smelled so soapy that I opted to spit it out. 

Dirt and Earthworm were up next. Dirt smelled like moist soil and I don't really know how to describe Earthworm. I just sort of nibbled like a quarter or less of each bean and still ended up spitting it out. It actually didn't taste that bad at first nibble, but then the flavor kicked in. Yech!

Rotten Egg was the worst hands down. Just one nibble had me running to the sink gagging. It didn't help to see my red-tinged spit (courtesy of Dirt and Earthworm).

At this point, I contemplated aborting this mission, but I figured I'd never be doing this again, so I might as well finish what I'd started.

I expected Sausage to work since it was actually food, but the combination of salty/fatty and sugary sweet also ended up in the spit bucket.

Earwax was actually not disgusting at all. Or maybe I'd gotten Marshmallow by mistake? Some of the flavors looked similar enough.

As for Booger, think salty and moist. What little of it that entered my mouth ultimately ended up in the spit bucket. I don't really know what to say about Vomit...I took a couple of teeny tiny nibbles and then spit it out. 

I made it through all of the disgusting flavors though! Yay me! Was just going to round up with Candyfloss, Cherry, and Cinnamon. However, remember what I said about mistaken identity jelly beans? That Cinnamon was, in fact, Earthworm. Double Blech!

When it was all done, I puked a little. A tooth-brushing and two throat lozenges later, I still wasn't over it. Why did I subject myself to this again?


  1. I wanted to like this post but I don't seem to see any like buttons on this page :D